Dark Days and Love Just as Sweet
by Dirnty
Summary: I have absolutely no regrets; That was a lie. I didn't love him; Another lie. My days are dark. My love is sweet, alas impossible. My name is Jo Harris and this is my story.
1. Dark Days

Of course I wasn't the same. Why I even second guessed myself when I never changed, I don't know. I've been lost for a while now. I serve absentmindedly to the bids of him.

I know this is probably really confusing. Let me start at the beginning. Well, as close to the beginning as necessary. My name is Jo and this is my story.


	2. Kiss of Death

It was my sixth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, when I began. Even back then, despite me being a Gryffindor, I was as slippery and dark as a Slytherin. When I say 'dark,' I don't mean bad, at least not yet. I just mean I don't talk to anyone and keep to myself.

Snape has always favored me. Weird that he likes me although I'm in his least favorite house. It didn't matter. He said he saw potential in me. I was packing up after potions class, when the sound of someone clearing their throat made me drop my stuff on the floor.

"God dammit." I looked for the source of the noise.

Neville Longbottom was coming towards me. He bent down to help me pick up my things. We reached for the same book and our hands touched. I pulled away.

Before you go all "how cute," let me tell you, I felt absolutely nothing. I snatched the book from his hand and set my things on the table.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to frighten you. Thought you saw me."

_Yeah, I have my hood pulled over my eyes. I just have x-ray vision._

"I just wanted to say thanks for helping me with that potion today."

I nodded and gathered my things. I walked out the door.

"Wait," he said from behind me.

I pulled my hood down and circled. "What is it, Longbottom," I hissed.

"I—"

"Longbottom! Get out of my class," Snape spat, reentering his room, brushing past me like I wasn't there. He looked at me like he just realized I was there. Snape gave me a smile (Well, at least what was considered a smile) and said, "Good job today, Miss Harris.

"Thanks," I mumbled.

"Jo," Neville called.

I ran, not wanting to talk to him, or anyone, really.

Dinner came and I sat toward the back of the table like I always did. A little ways up, Ron Weasley listened to his sister, Ginny, talk, and glanced at me. I pretended I hadn't seen him. If I listened hard enough, I heard them saying how Neville talked to me.

"Mental, if you ask me."

"Which nobody did, Ron" Ginny turned backed to Neville.

"All I'm saying is that I'm surprised she didn't rip his head off."

Neville shook his head. "She's not mean. She's just—"

"Not nice," Ron interjected.

"No. I was gonna say, she's just private. Shy, maybe."

I got up from the table and headed out of the Great Hall. I went to where I usually did when I wanted to be alone. Okay, I was basically alone in the Great Hall, but I mean, no talking, no sensing the presence of people whether I closed my eyes or not.

When I was in the Room of Requirement, it formed into a little sitting room, a fireplace crackling in the front. I came here a lot and curled up to read the hours away most of the time.

I shoved my face into a pillow on the couch. Hopefully, I'd accidently suffocate myself. I didn't, because I had to look up at the sound of the door opening. Neville came in, two glasses of pumpkin juice in his hands.

He stopped before the couch and outstretched a hand. I took the juice, gulped it down, and set it on the table. I resumed trying to stop myself from breathing.

Neville sat on the opposite couch. "What are you doing," he asked.

I sat up and shrugged.

We sat in a semi-awkward silence for about five minutes.

"Why d'you come here?"

I shrugged again.

"Do you ever talk."

I nodded and sighed.

"Then say something."

"What do you want me to say? I have nothing to say to you."

He looked taken aback. "Sorry."

"Why did you follow me?"

It was his turn to shrug. "I just want to know..." he trailed off.

"Know what," I pressed.

"What you're about."

I looked into his warm brown eyes. He got to his feet.

"I'll go if you don't want me here."

I grabbed his hand. "Wait."

He looked at me, waiting for me to say something. I pulled him down toward me and leaned in to kiss him. It was a deep and passionate kiss. Not my first. My first had been Draco.

I experienced Draco. Understood his came of catch and release. I knew Neville would be different. This time I'd be doing the releasing. We kissed for several minutes and several minutes more.

He sat on the couch and I was halfway in his lap. When we finally broke apart, I didn't know what I'd done. Scratch that. I did know what I'd done. I just ruined my life.


	3. Leaving Neglected Love

So let's just say, I couldn't resist. Naturally, I met with Neville a lot in the Room of Requirement. He would do most of the talking. He said things about Herbology and told me about him.

We loved each other. Honestly and truly. That was until the end of our sixth year. Dumbledore's death was a distraction. My mother found me in the Room of Requirement with Neville. Not a good thing.

She glared at Neville. "Jo," she snapped. "It's happened."

My expression of no expression didn't falter. I looked back at Neville. He was standing closer than I thought. I never even had a chance to grasp what was going on.

"Jo? What's happened?"

"Mum. Could we have a minute?"

She sighed. "One."

After mum left, I turned to Neville.

"I have to leave."

"Leave?"

I nodded. "I'm sorry I led you on like this. I'm sorry that I never told you who I really am."

I spun and headed for the door. He grabbed my arm. I tried to pull away, but my sleeve went up a little. I saw him examining a dark spot on my arm. He pulled the sleeve all the way up to see the Dark Mark.

"Jo?" His breath caught in his throat.

Neville tried to pull me into a kiss. I stopped him, our lips inches apart.

"Don't, or it'll make leaving ten times harder than it already is."

"Good." He kissed me quickly. "Don't go."

I ran my hand through his hair and then turned abruptly. I was at the door when he said, "I still love you."

I turned and whispered for the first time, "I love you."

All after that, mum watched me like I would spontaneously combust at any given time. She said I shouldn't be with an oaf Longbottom. I disagreed, but obviously, to avoid the Cruciatus Curse, kept my mouth shut.

For weeks, I had absolutely no regrets. I didn't love him like I'd told him. Both were lies, of course. It was December when my mum sent me back to Hogwarts, not to learn, but to give her reports on what was happening, and punish people if need be.

I packed a bag and Apparated to Hogsmead. The snow fell crisply on my face. I pulled my hood up and walked.

When I reached Hogwarts, Headmaster Snape let me with a half smile. I put my things in a room and went to assist the Dark Arts class of seventh years, a bit a satisfaction creeping into me.

Helping teach something I was good at, no matter how much I neglected.


	4. Cruciatus Curse

I walked in seeing a few familiar faces. It was Slytherins and Ravenclaws. They were learning the Cruciatus Curse. I couldn't help laughing when Pansy fried Luna.

This was how it was meant to be. Me, laughing at other peoples' pain caused by Dark Magic. The class ended and the next one came in.

Gryffindor and Hufflepuff. I sure knew who'd win this. I had given it no thought, until I saw Neville, grim-faced, dragging himself in and to his seat.

I stayed to the back of the room, hiding from him.

"Longbottom," the Carrow cried. "Crucio on Weasley."

Ginny stood tentatively. Neville took out his wand and raised it. Ginny winced. Nothing happened.

"Do it, Longbottom!"

"No."

"What did you say?"

"No."

"Harris!"

Timidly, I walked to the front. Neville gaped when he saw me.

The Carrow shoved Neville my way. I grabbed him by the collar and pulled him out of the room.

"Dammit, Longbottom! You picked a perfect time to get bold, you arse!"

"I-I'm s-s-sorry." He stuttered and refused to meet my gaze.

I put my hand under his chin and made him look at me. "I don't bite, Longbottom."

His gaze still slipped away. "I didn't think you'd come back."

"Had to. Mum's orders. Now, about that punishment..."

"You're really going to do it?"

I nodded. I took out my Beechwood wand. "Come with me."

I led him to one of the dungeons. I stepped inside and shut the door behind us. He was backed against the wall.

"Let's get this over with," I groaned.

I raised my wand and started to say the spell, when he grabbed my wrist.

"Please. Jo," he pleaded. "This isn't you."

I snorted. "You stupid Longbottom. Don't you get it? I'm a Death Eater."

"You liked me."

I sighed. "I'll admit my wrongs."

"Wrongs?"

"I should never have done that."

"You couldn't help it though."

I nodded. He stepped closer. His lips were just inches from mine.

"Get away from me," I whispered urgently.

"No. This isn't you," he said again.

"Only a fool wouldn't face the fact that I'm dangerous."

He chuckled. "I suppose I must be the biggest fool."

He stepped into a kiss. I didn't care at this point. I was with Neville and nothing could ruin the moment.

Epilogue

I squeezed Neville's hand as we sat in the Great Hall, where moments ago, Voldemort had fallen dead. I found myself smiling more than I ever had before. I wasn't as quiet either. All us Gryffindors, plus a few people from other houses mixed in, chatted. I joined in on a debated with Neville, Luna, and Ginny.

We drank warm glasses of butterbeer and everything felt good. The impossibly dark days were gone. All I had now was love just as sweet.


End file.
